Thoughts from a closeted straight spouse
I’ve never written a blog before, so this is all new to me. The last two years, in fact, have been an exercise in new experiences for me. Experiences I never thought I would encounter in my own life.
Two years ago, I accidentally found out that I’m married to a gay man. He didn’t have the guts to tell me, of course. Instead I mistakenly heard a voice mail message left for him by his one night stand. So from that night on, my life has been turned upside down.
In one moment in time, I went from a relatively happy stay at home mom of two, to a scared, disgusted, humiliated shell of who I had been. At first, I decided to do whatever I could to keep him in the marriage, obviously just on paper from now on, so that my kids didn’t have to learn the truth while they were still so young. So far, he has agreed. I don’t think he’s ready to alter those relationships either. And since he’s still in closet, so am I.
So for now, I pretend for my world that everything is just fine. Going on about my daily life as if nothing had ever happened. But as time goes by, I’m finding myself more and more restless at keeping this ruse going. It would be so easy if I didn’t have children. But it all comes down to them. So far, I’m grateful that he’s putting them first as well.
Since I haven’t told anyone about what’s going on in my marriage, I sometimes feel I might explode. To save my sanity, I found myself here with the only outlet I have available for the moment.
Thanks for joining me on this journey. If you are on this same path, I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time…
