Statistically Speaking
Today is November 3, 2010…an anniversary of sorts. Three years ago today, I found out that my husband is gay.
Statistically speaking, my marriage has reached its end. Of course for those of you who have read any of my previous posts, you know the marriage I’m speaking of is the legal, piece of paper kind. The sexual, intimate, loving one ended November 3, 2007. Truth be told, even before that.
When I first discovered that I was married to a gay man, I hit the internet searching for help, hope, explanation, answers, stories, remedies…anything. Anything at all to help me right my now upside down existence. I was relieved to find that there were others in my same situation. Encouragement came from several sources as countless straight spouses told their tales of homosexual mates that had conquered their demons and had returned to them to live as true husband and wife. I was convinced that this would be my outcome too. Our marriage would beat the odds and ignore the stats of others in our same sad situation. Happily ever after was still possible! But as the lonely months came and went, it became obvious that no fairy tale ending was in my future. Instead, we marched ever closer to the one statistic that has been whispering to me this entire journey:
For those couples who do not divorce immediately after “homo discoveris”, the majority will divorce within 3 years.
So it seems, time’s up.
But as of now, there has been no separation. No recruitment of lawyers. No chats with the children. So, technically, we’ve made it past this pathetic milestone. And although I still have the majority of my comfortable lifestyle intact, I’ve paid a high price.
And when I can’t afford the high cost of this relationship anymore, I will join the percentage of another discouraging statistic. Single mother.
CharlotteJ said,
February 1, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I have been there too. I walked away from my “lavish” lifestyle and he kept everything. I left with a sense of hope and freedom. He could not even give me children. You did well.
Mabel said,
May 29, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Just wondering if you are still coming here on the site. I am in the same boat as you right now and could use a friend.
Karen McDonald said,
June 27, 2011 at 9:50 am
Okay, Where are you now? I recently deiscovered my husband of 11 years is gay. I too have been reading continuously to try and firgure this all out. It was a relief of sorts to find out I was not alone! Very sad too. I had no idea a person would do this to another… It makes me sick. I hate my husband for the lies and deceit! It is all I can do to stay another minute! On the other hand, it is a very difficult decision to leave. The financial security is the only reason I would ever consider staying. My question to you is are you still with your gay husband or did you finally leave? And what price have you paid for staying?
feeling hopeless said,
July 13, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Are you still with him? I felt like I was reading my life in your words.
feeling hopeless said,
July 13, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I just finished reading all your entries. Honestly, after reading the first I was compelled to reply. But now, after reading all of them….. you are me! I am living the same life, the same lie, the same “two children, unwilling to leave” life. Please write again, or tell me how we can chat. I have no one to talk to who will not ridicule, judge, and appear to know what is best for me.
Each entry you wrote was like listening to myself think on paper.. Very bizarre. It appears I am not alone after all.