UnValentine’s Day
Today is Valentine’s Day.
Since I’m married to a gay guy, I knew what not to expect on this occasion. There would be no candy, no flowers, no declaration of eternal love, no sex. No nothing, really.
I think it is safe to say that I was well prepared for this day to come and go with no whispered, “Happy Valentine’s Day”. At least I thought I was prepared. In my heart and head, I knew that no gift or affection would be granted to me, but yet today I was strangely emotional. I was brought to the verge of tears many times today, but held it together for the sake of my children, who scored a few token items of their own, but seemed oblivious that their parents didn’t even exchange a perfunctory kiss.
Thankfully, their ignorant bliss continues.
As for me, I found myself quite moody and at some points downright angry at him. And at me, for allowing myself to continue in this situation for another minute. It was all I could do not to pull the car over and kick him out. But, of course, I didn’t.
Instead, I went through the motions of the day as if it were any other ordinary day. Which of course for me, it was. An ordinary day. Nothing special.
I spent a great deal of my moody day privately dragging out emotions that I had worked so hard to tuck away. Today, my sacrifices seemed too great as I longed for someone to put their arms around me and tell me that they loved me. But the sun will set again without those utterances.
I can’t go on much longer like this, I’ve decided. But once this day fades into memory, will I once again return to the comfort of my normal routine? Will I soon forget this rekindled resolve to cut my ties to this unavailable man? I guess a little time will tell.
So friends, check back with me next Valentine’s Day, and I guess we’ll all have the answer.
